Letting go and letting God/Universe/Spirit

Through the last few weeks, this has been my motto and mostly what has helped me get through so much! Every time fear takes over, or anxieties, or emotional overload – as soon as I remember, I say this in my mind – sometimes even out loud, just so that I can clearly hear myself say it.

As I mentioned in my previous posts, I think it’s important for me to really be honest as to where I am coming from and not pretending that I have everything under  control. Because honestly, I haven’t. My life is a journey, with many roads that I am exploring everyday. The main road at the moment(other than my family) being my business Angel Spice.

I have learnt so much in the last year about myself and really embracing the journey of better health for me and my family via Hungry For Inspiration. I started that page on Facebook because I wanted to connect with other like minded people and be inspired by others that are on the same journey as I am , as well as have more knowledge than I do – that I can share. I wanted to be inspired and to share that inspiration with others at the same time. I realised how much of a passion that I have for my health and it was made quite obvious by just how fast that page grew over just a few months! I kept questioning though, how come it was that this page was growing so fast – whilst my Angel spice  page is still to this day only very slowly steadily growing. It seemed that no matter what I did, my energies just seemed to be so much more for Hungry For Inspiration. There were a few weeks where I didn’t go on any of the pages, had a break from it all as I was needing time to reflect and face some of my “demons” if you will.

It was when I got back on that it really dawned on me the energy that I was spreading through Hungry For Inspiration was full of passion and love  – and the reason may not necessarily be that  I need to follow this as my dream but that looking after myself and my family in this way, really inspires me. Through that inspiration, I was able to reconnect with the passion for Angel spice . Even though I did wonder at the time that maybe all that  I am doing is a complete waste of my time, sitting on the couch/study desk, surfing the internet and facebooking …but in reality, these have all been my baby steps! I love it when realisations and insights come as I am writing!!! Goes to show how important writing and releasing really is.

So what is the real reason behind Angel spice page not doing as well? Just one word…such a small word…but so massive when we allow our imagination to take it and run with it…and  I know that I am not the only one in the world who allows this word to take over at one time or another. Especially when entering new ventures, stepping in unknown territory. Have you guessed the word? Well here it is…the dreaded word:

Fear of so many things which I may go into on a future post. But what I wanted to mostly to share in this post, is that fear doesn’t have to win. We have a choice. It’s ok to take the time to reflect and regroup so that you can come out fighting, but don’t allow it to crush you! The best way for me has been, to stop everything, go back to basics and come back when you feel that fire burning deep inside of you again. When the nudges become more like pushes, step in and TRUST!

LETTING GO

AND

LETTING GOD/UNIVERSE/SPIRIT!

Admitting to yourself when you don’t have the answer and recognising that ego is at work and not your higher self. That, in itself, is an achievement! Stepping into your truth! Old lessons may still present themselves, but remember to be the observer for yourself, see how far you’ve come – recognise your growth, however big or small!

Thank you for allowing me to share here. Remembering that this is all in my experience of NOW…please only take what resonates with you.

Namaste

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Thoughts

(Please note, that this post originated  on Thursday 20/12/2012)

I am always thinking of things to write about here and would love to be able to write in a more structured way, but I think that I just need to go with my intuition here..and just express myself however I need to. So I apologise in advance if it seems like I am jumping from one thing to another in this entry..this is just me releasing as it  comes. I have to laugh at myself sometimes…lol, but you know, when I am in the shower, the blogs that I write in my head are amazing, by the time I get out of the shower, it’s all gone!!!lol

I just finished a complimentary coaching call with a friend of mine. Unfortunately we had to suddenly stop the session in the middle of it, as her son woke up but I felt good being able to talk about some of the things that I’ve had going around in my head for quite a while now and begin the process of helping myself on the journey to a better me.

I finally launched my business last week. Finally listening to all the nudges from my guides & Angels to just step in. I have set up Angel Spice’s healing sanctuary in my lounge at home. I am offering Angel readings, Aromatherapy relaxation massage & Reiki. Everything is complete in that aspect, now it’s just a matter of me getting myself out there to reach some people that needs some light and inspiration in their lives. That was the main reason why I decided to take my friend up on the complimentary session as I know there are things that I need to address and move out of my way, so that I can be all that I am . I did most of the talking, as you do! But I am glad that I took that step because it has been a long time since I spoke out loud about what is in my head and it was a great feeling to just trust and speak my truth.

This morning I was reading some of my own quotes that I have posted online, and actually surprised myself about how insightful I can be. Why is that? Because I keep on allowing myself to flow down the road of not being good enough or smart enough or have anything to offer…and then I go back and see what my potential can be. It’s incredible how much I underestimate myself.

The journey of taking on this business of my role of awakening others, whilst I am still in the process of awakening myself can be so amazing and at times, quite daunting. I find myself questioning how others that I look to for inspiration seem to do what they need to do with such ease and grace. Meantime, I feel like a mess and I don’t want to hide that. I want to be honest about the highs and lows that I am experiencing on this journey. Most of the time I feel amazing, it’s only when I have to step out of my comfort zone that I literally see myself take 5 steps back from the 10 steps that I worked so hard and long on making sure that I take!

Now I am completely distracted as my daughter has just woke up and I need to go and give her lunch, get her ready for us to go and pick up her brothers from the last day of school!

It’s Sunday 23/12/2012 and I am finally posting this as it is today :)

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From my heart…

I just wrote the most soul revealing email about myself to a friend.

I totally forgot what it was like to be completely honest with me!

I just realised how much I missed that feeling.

Through revealing myself through my heart, being honest with myself, I am finding more self love and self respect than  I ever remember having.

I am also having to let go of the reaction that will come with the words that I have shared as there’s a possibility that it may not be received as I intended it…depending whether or not this friend reads with their heart or their ego.

Writing that email, brought up so much emotion inside of me. Emotions that I have been holding back for a while. An email that I should’ve written quite a while ago, but truth be told, I was not ready. Today, I feel like I am in the right space!

I am filled with emotions that wants to pour out both tears of release & happiness. Fear is there too!

What prompted this was many events in my life, but one definite trigger was actually from watching 90210 yesterday. Who said there’s only negative that comes out of these shows? It’s really what you choose to look for, isn’t it? There was a scene where a guy who had a done terrible things in his past, such as being an arsonist and drug dealer, and how he used the pain from all that he did in the past and decided to bring it up into the highest light, using that experience in the most positive way – where he wrote a screenplay about his life.

Pain is so hard, but at the same time, it can be such a beautiful thing, when we choose to transmute this into Universal Love! We can either keep living in the past and feel guilty of our past actions, or we can choose to ignore it OR we can choose to face it and take that pain and make some amazing changes in our lives – which could in turn help others!

But the heart is the key here. Once that heart is reconnected, stay connected…because your heart will always lead  you in the best direction.

The email and this post has been the most therapeutic thing I could’ve possibly given to myself as a gift today. So grateful I listened :)

Thanks for reading my ramblings Angels.

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Writing is my release

It has been so long since I wrote here or on any blogs! I can’t believe that the last time was in August!

And so much has been happening since then.

So many changes! So much stuff to deal with internally, and seeing me not dealing very well with it all.

Primarily, a lot of ill feelings have been coming up for me in the last few months. Feelings that I had felt I had dealt with, and perhaps I did on a certain level, but maybe it was only a temporary band aid. And now, the band aid has been ripped off again, it seems like it needs some air to breathe, so that the process of healing can be completed.

Truth be told though, I haven’t been coping too well with these massive emotions that have been coming up. Reason being because they are  so ego based and feelings of shame I suppose have taken over me. Therefore I have found myself drowning my sorrows in food which contain sugar. I was going so well with my plan to eat raw for 40 days and then an opportunity to go out came along and decided to give myself a break back in October – which was at Day 20…and that was that! Just have not been able to get back there as yet. I am still working on it. But at the same time, I am having to face all these other emotions ..some new, some old. Showing me something else though, despite the fact that I have been eating – but this time consciously…I have to give myself credit for the fact that I am recognising this fact and acknowledging it. I am yet to stop it or find the solution that will help me totally give up this numbing tool I have adopted since I was a teenager. In the past, I wouldn’t have even been able to admit that or face that this is a numbing tool! I would have probably said that this is me comforting myself through food. But in reality, we all know that’s not the fact.

I have no real theme for this blog entry. I just know that  I have received messages that I should write and I am doing it. Namely because I know how much it helps to unclutter my mind. Lately, my head has been full..and overflowing with thoughts and many of them not so positive. So the message was clear today, as I was sitting down on my couch, feeling sorry for myself as I have some kind of chest cold or infection. Which I know is all as a result of me attempting to bury these feelings I am having to face again. The most prominent ones being anger & judgement! The two things that I hate when it’s projected on to me but happens for the reason that I have this inside me.

It’s all a working progress and I believe that I am getting closer to dealing with it, it’s just a matter of listening. Meditation has been helping me a lot…I don’t know what I would do without it!

I will stop my rant here as I am getting quite sleepy from all this coughing I have been doing(although seems less now that I have let some stuff out on here). I am learning slowly, that I can’t fight this and I just need to allow it and take from it what I need at this time to help me grow.

Thank you for reading, and understanding. I know I am not alone in this place that I am in at the moment and would love to hear from others that wish to share their current emotional turmoil, with all the massive changes that are happening around us as well as inside of us!

 

 

 

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