Day 25 of Operation Raw Pas

I can’t believe that it has been 6 days since my last entry here. How time flies!

Since my last entry, I had been busy with kids on the holidays, going to my 20 year High school reunion and getting back into the swing of school routine!!

So let’s catch up!

Since last Friday, apart from dinner time – the raw plan was all still on. When did it go haywire? On Saturday night, when I allowed myself to have the night off from Operation Raw Pas from the Reunion, where we had barbecue for dinner and I had a few wines! I enjoyed a big salad at the reunion, along with a veggie burger and a couple of skewers of mini shrimps! Along with the drinking, thinking about my diet was out the door. Don’t get me wrong, I had fun and enjoyed the food that I ate..but at the same time, I did feel like I was letting myself down in some ways! It’s crazy. I see now where it all went wrong. My focus from this being a spiritual experience/adventure, became one of ego. Soon as that happens, emotional eating takes over!

In saying that, I am learning that a balance of my spirit & ego is necessary! I can’t have one without the other. Beating myself up over this is what has sent me in a whirlwind of confusion and a sense of identity loss this week. Resulting in me not being able to get back on track. So all there is left to do is to surrender! I am staying in control of what I can, when I can – and watching, evaluating my behaviours. Still having control of my workouts and most of what I am allowing in my body. I have to remember that this is all part of the journey and that it’s not just the end result that is my success. It’s also recognising the other aspects of myself.

I was quite happy with how I felt and looked for the reunion night though…all the hard work has been paying off and is showing, just that I think I need to relieve myself of some of the immense pressure that I have been unconsciously and consciously placing on myself. Pictured here —>

I did have to figure out what the heck to wear for that night, so I ended up trying on a few of my clothes and was pleasantly surprised with how easily they all fit now! Love it!

So I am getting completely distracted by other things whilst I am writing this blog, really need to go have a shower before my daughter wakes up!  So I am going to have to cut this shorter than how I had planned it in my head!

At this point in time, even though the time is still ticking for my 42 days of Operation Raw Pas, I am giving myself the week off this week, just from being hard core Raw! allowing myself to eat a hot meal, a sweet meal or dairy, if that’s what I desire. Otherwise, my plan is to be as raw as possible throughout the day, but not restricting myself…just for this week. I also have to allow for my 16 years wedding anniversary weekend away with hubby this weekend, where we can enjoy a nice dinner with wine and breakfast together… And although, I am allowing myself this freedom, I still find that my choices are heading more towards being raw, even the way that I prepare cooked meals is changing. So I feel that this experience/experiment is not all in vain. It’s definitely helping to bring many minor changes, that I think I will adopt in my lifestyle for life! Been loving starting back on the C25K for the last 3 days, and a much deserved 70mins of yoga/pilates today!

I hope to share more, in time – otherwise, I will have small updates on twitter daily!

Leaving with this as food for thought:

 

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Day 19 of Operation Raw Pas

Finally I get to sit down and blog. The boys have been on school holidays for the last week and a half ..and since we didn’t get to do much last week, I  had to make more of an effort to get them out of the house and away from the DS, Wii, iPodTouch & computer as much as possible!

So this week has been really tough for me. Even after the last blog entry, I did my best to stay true to my commitment to myself and this challenge but more and more, I realised that I wasn’t doing myself any favours since I was feeling deprived!  Not deprived of food because I am happy with the food intake. Maybe deprived is not the right word! I don’t even know if crave is the right word either. But I was really missing not having warm food. I was feeling quite miserable, is probably the only word I can  pluck out right now to describe my feeling. I pushed through until yesterday(day 18), I gave in to the incredible need in me to have warm/cooked food. So I made myself a vegetable stir fry, which I didn’t cook all the way through, only for a few minutes – enough for it to be warm but still with its crunch. It was either that or give up altogether!

I thought about it, I really contemplated it at one stage – but I thought about how I would feel once I have given up after being so many days into this challenge and that felt worse than not having hot food! But I was getting really tired of not looking forward to dinner and needed to find a way for me to be happier, rather than miserable! I am thinking that by just having the choice of still being able to have hot food if I really want it, I will probably find that I don’t need it as much as I think I do!?  Taking away that feeling of deprivation. It’s the only word I can think of! Maybe it’s not that at all. Maybe it’s that I am not completely ready in all my being to go completely raw. And as hard as it is to admit it to myself, as part of the lesson on this journey in the past week, is that I don’t want to fail. I want to see it through. But at the same time, the lesson is clear, that the road doesn’t need to be difficult. I don’t need to torture myself in order to achieve my results. I just need to look for solutions and ways to maintain the momentum. And who knows, I may just achieve my goals without pushing myself through it like a martyr.

How is this reflected in my life?

Ha! well that’s the important question right there! I do always push myself in one direction like it’s the only way, not always opening my mind to other possibilities. Not allowing the simplicity of life to be. Having myself row that boat upstream, instead of letting flow down the gentle stream, or even the steep and scary stream – for fear of what might be at the bottom of that. There’s obviously much unconscious self-sabotaging going on, but stopping and looking at myself in this situation this week, has helped me to see that self-sabotage. I am sure that in the past, I would have just given up and given myself the excuse that it’s just not for me, just to justify the action of giving up altogether! WOW, what insight! Scary and somewhat sad insight. BUT I am obviously ready to see this now, otherwise it wouldn’t have become so clear!

Ooff…that was deep right there, realisations coming while I am blogging/writing. Gotta love it! :)

So where am I at today? Well after having that meal last night, I felt sooo much better. I have to say that it was the best tasting hot meal I have ever had!lol I treasured every bite and every mouthful. I was full and happy. I have been working out everyday – no more than 30-40mins a day(except for a long 1 hour walk here and there) as well as meditation.

Remembering that I started this journey not just for an end result – even though I have put a time limit on the challenge. I see this as partly allowing my spiritual journey to further expand, grow, BE! Makes sense that depriving myself and pushing my body through this journey was not going to serve me in the highest light. If I was to keep pushing myself on a physical level, despite of my state of mind & spirit – it was sure to be a disaster.  Something that I have seen in myself before and prefer not to revisit as, again, the feeling that it leaves me with, is not in the highest light. Shifting my focus to be about all of me and not just about what I look like, really makes an amazing difference in my whole being.  I have my good days and my bad days – that’s life! Everyone has them – it’s finding the ways to continue BEING and reaching & pulling into my highest light that can be challenging but have so many amazing rewards all at the same time.

Young Living Oils farm

Last night, I went to a Young living oils workshop locally, run by a lady I met a few years ago whilst on a personal development path. Talk about divine timing because going to that workshop showed me another way to help me be strong on this journey/challenge.  I have been using  Young living oils since 2003, an avid user(only topical) for years but then slowly dropped off as I got caught up with other things in life. The oils have always been part of my life but I think that I allowed the price tag of the oils to devalue their true worth! I had forgotten how amazing they are and how much they’ve helped me in the past. Going to that workshop also showed me other ways to use them, guiding me more towards keeping everything that we use at home, at a high grade, non-chemical level. For the last few days,  I have been asking for guidance as to what I need to do to, what I need to be stronger, what I need to help me reach a higher level without relying on comfort food to do that(this is a massive pattern to break for me-which I know will take time)…I had totally forgotten that I had ticked ‘maybe’ on this workshop when I was initially invited – it was the fact that it was closer to home that attracted me this time – and then received a private message from the lady running it, asking me if I was still considering coming. I had totally forgotten about it and didn’t hesitate to say yes. It was an incredible workshop for me. It was exactly what I needed right NOW. My prayers were answered :)

I could keep writing today, as I feel I have so much to say and release but I must sign off now, as we are all going out to see my husband for lunch at work today :) Last day of the school holidays..hehe, not sure if I am happy about it or not at the moment. Love them at home, just not the bickering. lol .. Leaving with some food for thought:

 

 

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Day 15 of Operation Raw Pas

Today is a very reflective day for me.  I am also a bit overwhelmed and somewhat high in my being.

Since the weekend, I have been detoxing, not only in my body, but also in my mind and my spirit. I am seeing and feeling so much come up with this whole process(things that needed to be looked at regardless of going raw).

I have been thinking a lot about how I have got here..to this point NOW…and how far I have come. Cleaning up this blog a bit today, had me looking at some of my past posts. Seeing how much I have grown and how much my mindset has changed in what seems like a relatively short space of time. My focus has changed so much with this journey – it’s all still a process – but where my focus was once so much about losing weight and being at a number that I was happy with on the scale, is now, not as much a priority. I won’t lie and say that I still don’t peek at the scale(which I have for the last 2 days – really for motivation that something was happening, a result was manifesting with all that I am doing) – but my main focus has shifted dramatically to be mainly on being healthy. Sure, there is still wanting to be less jelly like on many parts of my body, but the way to get there is not so foreign to me now. I know that when I put my mind to it, as well as my energies – that it will happen. It can happen!

I am often asked where I get the willpower to get on these challenges and follow them through. And also, when people see how much I have shifted my health and physique in the last 20 months, they ask how did I do it and is it something that they could do. My answer is always that yes of course anyone can do it, but it took hard work and dedication! It may seem to others like it happened overnight, but it most definitely did not! I have discovered, that my health is a mini journey, part of the largest journey called life. I also have other mini journeys like, my spiritual journey, my family journey, my relationship journey, etc…and all these journeys are helping to shape me everyday. Helping me to evolve and be who I am NOW, tomorrow, next week, etc… There’s a something to rediscover everyday of our lives.

Where does the willpower come from? Well the simple answer from my point of view is that one must really want it and be focused on the goal. Also, be willing to learn along the way that the goal is merely a journey, a tool for evolving, not a destination. As soon as I have thought that the goal is the destination, once I have reached it, I felt completely lost! Like where do I go now! This is still a learning process for me…embarking on this raw challenge is actually what is helping me to see that a change for life is needed for my evolution. Even if I decide that the Raw diet is only adopted partly or fully or I find something else that can help me to have a permanent change that continues to support every part of my being … it is all a journey to amazing self growth and realisations!!!

Anyway, I just felt like I needed to get that out for my entry today, instead of usual focus on food intake – because that’s just it, this journey is not just about that!

I will sign off now with this:

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